"Sure, why not?"

I had someone in my life that I lost that once told me, "I've done more in the past 12 months with you than I have done in my entire life."  That keeps echoing in my head.  It's amazing how much you can experience in life when share it with someone that you really enjoy being around...someone that you never get tired of.  My memory is horrible, so that got me thinking, what did we do?  Well, here is my attempt at trying to remember...

• Warrior Dash in Austin - we almost didn't make it because we stayed out a little too late!  We woke up with pizza all over the bed and overslept!
• Another Austin trip - Did quite a bit of running on the greenbelt and even went to a longhorns game...and of course hit up Pete's piano bar.
• Jamaica - We went for my birthday!  We rented RZR's and took them through the mountains (small mountains..lol), zip lined through the jungle and hiked up Dunns River Falls (so cold!).
• San Antonio - So much fun, we stayed right on the riverwalk.  We took a riverboat tour and did a lot of drinking and eating!
• Tough Mudder - The first tough mudder, she didn't run, but cheered me on!  We stayed in Bastrop.
• Austin - yet another Austin trip... lots of running!  We always talked about how fun it would be to retire in Austin... we loved it.
• Surfside Beach - lots of sun and cruising the beach in the hummer
• Crystal Beach - too many of these trips to mention!
• Sabine Pass to High Island off road drive - she got a little scared on this one, but I kept assuring her I would never put her in danger!
• ATV rides - Jacksonville & Burkville were the main places, but also rode at a few times at friends deer leases.
• L'auberge - at least 4 different overnight stays here.  We loved the pool and the gym!
• Houston trips - most were only to go to the cheesecake factory!  We loved staying at the Intercontinental because of the gym and the pool area!  We didn't like the Derek too much, no hot tub and I got stung by a bee at the pool! 
• Tough Mudder - The one we did together!  She usually liked to be pushed, but I might have pushed her a little too hard while we were running.  Once I realized I was pissing her off, I backed off. :o)  I was so proud of her!
• Colorado - Hiked up a 14er!  She made me the happiest guy in the world at the top of the mountain.  We did another hike later that was so beautiful.
• Contraband - we went both weekends.  We got mad at each other one night and she cried.  I still can't remember exactly what we were arguing about and it wasn't important.  But when I saw that first tear fall, I knew I would never give her any reason to cry again.  The second weekend was awesome!  They took the boat up to the vendor area and we had some pretty awesome food!
• Halloween - We dressed up as hippies!  There were so many things going on and other people's plans kept changing so we decided to just go out by ourselves!  We had so much fun that night!  Probably too much fun!
• New Braunfels - we probably went way too early in the year, the water was EXTRA cold!  She didn't care, she cannon bailed off the raft into the river!
• Nederland Heritage Festive - We ATE and ATE and ATE!  Then we rode the rides!  We probably should have done the rides first, then ate!
• The back porch - Just firing up the grill and sitting on the back porch with goose.  I really can't express how much fun this was or how many times we did this!
• Restaurants - We must have ate out 3 times a week!  With just 2 ppl and we would usually split a plate, it was almost cheaper than cooking at the house!
• Live Music - we would love going to a restaurant by our house that had live music and another favorite time was hearing Stoney Larue at the Longhorn.

I know I'm leaving tons of things off and I'm going to have to come back to add to this!  One thing I always told her is you only get one shot at each day in your life, make it count.  Anytime I would suggest something for us to do, she would reply "Sure, why not?"

Stuck.

I know I'm lucky to have the friends that I do.  They always seem to know how to take my mind off things.  When they are not around, my mind always goes back to the same place.  I don't know what I can do about it.  I always once thought I could answer anything, or if I didn't know the answer, I could find an answer.  I cannot this time.  I know it has only been only a little over two weeks from what is weighing on my mind, but it seems I am not making any progress when I'm alone.  I get a lot of emails and messages from people (some who I don't even know) about this.  Some say "time heals everything," others say "it gets easier with time, but you'll never forget."  I know I never want to forget what I've learned, but ... I'm rambling and I'm not sure how to express what I'm feeling.

My friends have turned me on to a few new things.  Disc golf - just like golf, but you use a Frisbee instead.  Never thought I would enjoy this, but it's pretty fun.  Slackline - well, hard to describe, but it's here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDTwQGEeGZc.  I'm not good at it at all, but I'll get better.  Darts - forgot how much fun this can be.

Today was day #1 of training for a marathon too.  I had no idea where to start, so I downloaded an app to get me started.  Today's workout was just a 30 minute jog.  The app has voice over to tell you why you are doing what you are doing.  The workouts build each time and it said some of the workouts till take 4 hours a day.  I'm a little nervous about it, because my knees are getting worse.  I had been working on a joint matrix supplement, so maybe I'll have to keep pushing forward on that.  I'm probably going to spend the next two days in Houston.  I want to go to the rock gym one day and do more training at Memorial park.  I remember that park being pretty active for runners in Houston.  And of course I'll get all my Christmas shopping done as well!  Ok, the mind is a little more at rest and I need some sleep.

Same thoughts...

I have not had to post in a few days, because there is not really much to write about.  My mind has stopped racing so much, but it is still the same thoughts.  These are the thoughts I have not shared.  These are the thoughts that still trouble me.  It's probably not healthy (as people say), but I don't feel like sharing them yet.

Positively speaking, I'm doing much better than I was 12 days ago.  I don't know what I would being doing right now if it were not for the support of friends, and support of people I have never met.  I still can't believe I was blessed to have so many people that I've never met, share a story with me.  Some of the stories that were told to me, gave me the best motivation for continuing on.

I'm also going to try going back to work tomorrow as well.

What are the chances?

Just when I lay down, and think I'll finally get a nap in, my mind starts up again.  I keep thinking about all the little moments in life, that really change your life.  I mean, one small thing could really change it!  I'm not talking about friends moving off, people leaving your life or changing jobs.  I saw a video that a friend posted.  It was about a pilot who was to fly on 9/11/2001.  Long story short, there was another senior pilot who wanted the flight instead.  So the first pilot was bumped off the flight.  Well, it was one of the hijacked planes.  That pilot whose life was spared really seems to be doing something with his life, knowing he could look on TV and see what his fate was suppose to be.

It doesn't have to mean life and death.  Maybe you could bump into someone by total accident and they change your life....good or bad.  My head just can't comprehend all the what-ifs in life.  I try to think about my first love, what if that would have all worked out?  What would I be doing?  You just can't know!  What about all the stupid things I did when I was younger?  How did I survive those things?  We actually build a high power explosive once, made out of pipe.  You had to shake it for the chemicals to react.  I was shaking it, wondering if I had activated the chemicals inside.  About that time, the cap we had on the end blew off I don't know how many yards away!  We didn't let the glue cure on the cap.  What if that glue had cured?  At my previous job, I was walking though the unit when a large hose over pressured, came loose, whipped and hit my knee.  It split it open.  How come it didn't swing a little higher and hit me in the temple?  I could go on and on and on about all these things that could have turned out different.  Ok, my mind has calmed and I need a nap.

College

For some reason, I wrote up today thinking about college.  A thought like that would usually be in and out of my mind in a second, but it's sticking this morning.  I wouldn't think this post will take long to clear that out of my head.  I'm a college drop-out.  I graduated HS #38 out of about 320 something just by winging it.  I had no study skills.  Going to college and trying to take 18 hours my first semester, and going about it the way I did in HS didn't cut it.  I think my GPA was a 2.8 the first semester.  The second semester was about the same too.  I had to re-evaluate everything.  Was I even headed in the right direction?  I always thought I would become a chiropractor.  I really didn't even know anything about the medical field.  In my spare time, I took side courses to get my CNA (certified nurses assistant) certificate at Baptist Hospital.  During the hands on at the hospital, I really learned I hated helping people.  That sounds bad.

I told my parents I couldn't continue on, attempting to be a chiropractor.  They were supportive, but worried about what I would do.  I really didn't know.  A friends grandfather (that I still respect the heck out of even today) and my grandfather were both plant workers.  I never knew what they did though.  I went to the local technical college and did some questioning.  I think my exact words to the admissions/councelor were, "What will get me out of here the quickest and give me the most bang for my buck?"  She said, "You need to be an operator."  I think it took me 2 semesters and a summer session for that two year associates degree.  I also graduated with a 3.98 GPA.

I thought this would be a short post.

Right out of the tech college, I went to work for a company named Canadian Chemical.  I loved it at first, I got to travel quite a bit, always flying me where I needed to go.  I kind of felt like a big shot at 20 years old!  The money was great.  Actually, I really wish I knew more about money when I was that young.  I'm highlighting that.  Not sure why.  In HS they would teach you about wars you would never remember, but not how to setup a Roth IRA, true prices of financing, ect.  I hope they are doing that now.  Anyway, Canadian Chemical was great!  But it was starting to get into my personal life.  It was once two weeks on, two weeks off.  Then it was 3 on, 2 off.  Then it was 4 on, 2 off.  I couldn't handle that.  The day I was flying out for another job, Dow Chemical called and offered me a job.  I asked at which plant and they said Freeport.  I told the lady I had to decline, because that would be too far for me.  She said, well, where do you want to work?  I told her Houston is about as far as I would go.  She said, "Done!  We'll figure something out.  We want you."

Dow was a great company to work for.  They never made you feel like you were part of the company, they made you feel like you WERE the company.  I respected them.  I was living in Houston now.  I figured since I had a little traditional college under my belt, I would go back for more.  Dow was even paying the bill!  So I ended up driving many days, back and forth to my old college to take classes.  I don't know how many miles I put on my old Saturn driving from Houston to Beaumont.

Personal things changed in my life and I ended up dropping out of college again with about 12-15 hours left to a bachelors degree.

I really don't plan on finishing the degree.  To me, it is just paper.  I know the paper is something that is required of many employers and shows an accomplishment, but it is not for me.  I still don't see how people will take 40-60-100k student loans to get jobs that pay 28-50k a year.

I'm not trying to talk down on college.  I think it is very important.  I really wish that the government would get the cost of it down...at least at the state universities.  Private college are a business and can charge what the market will pay them.  That's business.  I also feel that if you applied yourself in HS and had good grades, at least your first semester should be paid in full.  If you maintain an excellent GPA that semester, your next one would be paid.... and so on.

DONE!  College is now off my head.

Religion & Children

Two posts in one day...this is a new one for me.  There is one subject that constantly is coming to mind, and I can't shake it.  I'm completely exhausted right now, but I hope this will help me clear my head.  Not much of this one will probably make any sense, because I'm running on almost no sleep, but here I go.  Backgrounds are always nice, so....I was raised Baptist, engaged to a Mormon girl at one point when I was way too young and married/divorced a Catholic.  I don't feel any association to any denomination.  I believe there is a higher power, and I believe that higher power is the god the Bible speaks of.  I believe there is a Heaven and that there is a Hell.  I don't have a personal relationship with God.  Death has always been a very difficult subject for me.  I'm completely terrified of the subject; I don't know what death means.  When I was young, the preacher would paint a picture of Heaven.  It would have streets of gold, everyone was happy and there was no pain.  I pictured the place kind of like a really awesome Chuck-e Cheese. 

As I grew older, I began to wonder 1)How do you look in Heaven? Would you look the same as you did when you left the earth, or maybe you would look like you did at the best point in your life? 2)Would you even have a humanly form?  Maybe we would look just like floating bubbles? 3) Could you actually talk?  If so, what language?  Am I going to have to learn a new language?  Maybe you don't talk, you just somehow know everything around you.  4) If Heaven is forever and you can't die in Heaven, will there be things there you always wanted to try that might have been too dangerous to try on earth? 5)If you loved someone (as a significant other) on Earth, and they passed and eventually you found another earthly love, how does that work in Heaven when you die?

I'm sure there are many educated preachers who could pinpoint scriptures that would answer some of these questions.  But I don't think it is really possible to know (unless it says flat out in scripture).  I just can't picture Heaven.  Hell, on the other hand, is pretty easy to picture.  I think it looks like Paris if it were on fire.

I'll have to talk more about religion when I'm not so tired.  I just read back over the last 5 sentences and they didn't really come out how I wanted.

Children.  This has bothered me for about the past 2 years.  I think I'm finally ready for kids, but I'm almost 32!  Maybe it is just coming from a small town, but anything past 30 is too old to start having kids!  And I know it would be many years from now before I could think about having kids anyway...so that'll put me around 35.  I've never had a problem with adoption, so maybe if I really do start getting too old, I'll just go that route.  Ok, too tired.  So much more I wanted to write and now I probably have even more on my head.  This post didn't go the way I wanted it to.

It's been awhile...

It's been almost 8 months since I wrote.  Not because I was too busy for it, but just no need.  I mainly started this writing to clear my head.  I had to go back and re-read everything I posted so far, just to see if I made any progress.  I have to say I have.  It looked like one of the biggest hang-ups in my life was work.  Shortly after that last post back in March, I don't know what changed.  If you have ever seen Office Space, where the guy gets hypnotized and then just doesn't care...that's almost like what happened.  I just started seeing work as a means to an end.  I wanted to put my 12hrs in, do what they asked, and get home to my sweetie for real life.  I would think about this new mindset sometimes, about how I was really wanting 12hrs of my life to only take a 1 minute each day.  I truly believe you only have one chance at 12/6/11 or 12/7/11 or so on and you should try to make some sort of difference while you are here...but I was wanting 12hrs of my life to disappear each day.  I've had a something happen recently that has caused the worst hurt I have ever experienced in my life...something that I still don't know how to handle.  My work didn't even know how to handle it.  They finally came back and said they would give me two weeks off with no pay if I needed it.  I definitely need the two weeks off, and I don't really need the pay, but it just shocked me because they have so many people who abuse the system and get paid to be home for a year.  I really do like the direct people I work with.  I really consider them family.  I know I've butted heads with everyone at some point, but I know I would honor, defend and be there for any of them.  Ok, enough about work.. I still have to work on that area...

As I was reading my previous posts, I came across one I wrote about my ex and it hurt me.  I didn't mean to portray her like that.  Maybe that's how I felt at the time, but in really starting to understand life, and come to grasp with compassion, I know I was wrong to write that.  She really is a terrific person, just not right for me.  If I could ever have a room mate, it would have been her.  She's funny and very strong...she did something I could never do.  She took a leap of faith and moved to a city many miles away and started over from scratch.  I really admire people like that.  I think she knows now that I really respect her and everything she did in the past, even though I could not understand it at the time.  But one thing I will never understand is why she would not come to my first dirt bike race, after not racing for 10 years.  It really, really hurt my feelings.  I ended up finishing 5 out of 20, even with a broken clutch perch!

I really have no idea where my life is heading right now.  For those who know me, I'm a very detailed, schedule driven person.  A, B, and C have to happen before D and E.  The few things I know for certain are that I need to sell my house, cancel my road runner at the house and also sell two of my rentals.  I planned on selling those properties anyway when someone moved out.  I had great tenants and could never bring myself to sell something and force someone out.  Over the past couple of months, I've been trying to find a way to streamline my life to put my time where it really matters.  I still feel I need to leave a mark on this world somehow.  I once thought just being a good person would be enough, but someone taught me otherwise.  Still not exactly sure what I can do, but I'll get that figured out.

I also know I have some really good friends.  It's strange how you can loose touch with people, but yet they are right there when you need them.  I really did not think I could crack a smile for a long time, but the other day, a few of us met up at a park with a bucket of hardballs (not softballs, come on guys, softball?) and a bat and just went to smacking.  I seriously cannot believe none of us could it it over the fence.  That's my new challenge and I know I'll complete that one.  I know tonight I am going out with at least one buddy to buffalo wild wings.  For some reason, i really feel like I can eat a few wings tonight.  Man vs. Food better watch out!  I still don't think I'll be able to drink a beer though.  Not sure why, but beer just hasn't sounded good.

I also went to a place today that really really makes me feel uncomfortable...even to the point of me almost freaking out.  I've never been good at those places, but today was a special day and I had to suck it up.  I have to keep this bottled up for now...just not good with this subject or aspect of life.  Anyway, I think my mind is winding down and I probably need a nap before eating tonight.

It's been awhile!

Well, it has been more than a month since my last post.  Life started moving pretty quick again, something that I don't like.  Tonight is the first night in awhile that I am able to just relax.  It always seems like it is go go go!

Things are still going perfect with the girlfriend!  I really love this girl!  We did get in a small disagreement the other night and I made her cry a little bit.  Regardless of who was right or wrong in the disagreement, I never want to see her cry again.  She is too sweet of a girl to have to cry.  We have been together for almost 5 months now and never get tired of her.  If anything, I wish we could spend more time together...

The job is going a little better since the last post.  It's still not what I would prefer to do with my life, but it'll do for now.

Also since the last posts, I bought and sold a Suzuki Samurai and bought a Polaris RZR.  It's kinda like a dune buggy.  I brought it to Jacksonville, Texas for the High Lifter ATV Mud Nationals.  It was very fun and something that I have not done in a very long time.

This is a short post because I just want to enjoy my night off!

Here is a picture from Mud Nationals!

I told her I love her!

I swear, I'm completely crazy for this girl!  There is no compromising with her.  Everything she likes, I like.  Everything she stands for, I stand for.  All of her beliefs, are my beliefs.  I guess the stars have finally aligned for me!  Life could not be going any better for me right now.  My love life is perfect, the money is starting to get straight and my health could not be better!  I have to cut this post short today, I have a few friends coming over in a few.

I can only hope the ex is finding the same things that I have to make her happy.  I really wish her the best.

work... :o( and the g/f... :o)

I think I'm really getting my life together, except for one part...work!  I'm starting to dislike my job even more.  It's hard because the career I took pays extremely well and really doesn't require a degree.  If I can stay there 24 more years (retirement age), I will leave there a millionaire easily.  As I said in past posts, the place is run like a prison or military.  Today, they almost forced us to stay past our 12 hours for no good reason.  After 12 hours on being jacked around by 4 bosses, I'm ready to go home.  This is the only thing that really puts me in a bad mood, and seems to keep me in a pissy mood for at least 8 of the 12 hours I'm there.  It used to not be this way, but it seems to keep getting worse.

Anyway, on a positive note, I'm really starting to fall in love with my girlfriend.  I still haven't said the "L" word to her yet, just trying to see if she can make an effort in one area.  It's not that big of a deal and I'm sure she'll do better in that area.  She is totally amazing!  I cannot believe how much of a "go-getter" she is.  She really inspires me and tries to make me be better in everything I do.

Still a little way to go!

I worked last night.  The temperature dropped down to 25 and the windchill was at 13.  Two of the people that I work directly for do not have the same personality as me and it causes me to get pissed.  One of them is just not as good as the last person I worked for.  The last person, would try to minimize your "running around" time and could make your job much easier.  The new one freaks out on problems and causes you to chase a bunch of shit that doesn't need chasing. 

The other person is hard to explain.  It's almost like he has the "I'm the boss now" mentality, but I know he doesn't.  He likes to micro manage and goes way overboard on some of his actions.  He thinks because he is doing something, you need to be right there by his side.  He doesn't understand that I still have many other tasks to take care of.

Working for this company is like being in prison (I could only imagine).  Even your nightly tasks are not called "tasks for the night" or "nightly work list" but instead called "orders."  This place still runs on a 1950's mentality.

I do let it get to me, and that's why I say I still have a little way to go.  It's hard!  I still have not found a way to not let my job bother me.  How do the other people not let it bother them so much?  Are they just faking their "contentness?"  I always say I'm not going to let it get to me, but something always seems to happen to cause me to get flat pissed off.  I found out earlier today that the sections that I work in are having major problems right now, so when I go in tonight, it is going to be horrible.  But at least this will be another opportunity to try and learn how to handle my emotions better.

Anyway, this was a pretty boring post, but I had to let me thoughts out.  My girlfriend also worked last night and she came over shortly after getting off.  I woke up before her and couldn't stop staring at her sleeping.  She is so beautiful!  I have to say she is helping me become a better person and she doesn't even know it!

The ex...

Totally forgot about this, and I want to type it out, because I know I'll forget about it in a few days.  My ex didn't rape me on the typical 50/50 divorce split.  Instead, we worked out a dollar amount I have to pay her.  She was in town yesterday and I told her just to swing by and pick up her "payment" and she could sign for it.  When I saw her, there were absolutely no feels of "love" or the past.  It was more like seeing an old acquaintance.  I asked her how she was doing and she said she was pretty DAMN happy.  I still find it odd she chose to use the words "damn happy."  I'm not going to dwell too much on that. 

I think one reason that I don't have any feelings for her anymore is due to how at peace I am with myself.  During our marriage, I always told her it must be nice to be "insert full name here."  I said this because she really did not contribute anything of value to our relationship.  I paid every major bill we had.  She mainly made money (I use this term loosely) to pay bills that she caused.  Now, I can say it's nice to be Shaun Roberts.  I'm dating a girl who shares about every belief that I have about how a relationship should work.  There HAS to be give and take.  If you get treated like a king, then you should treat her like a queen in return.  Everyone has their bad days that they aren't going to treat you like you want, but if you still keep treating them good, it'll roll right back to you very quick.

Someone also told me she changed her relationship status on facebook (the way everyone seems to announce anything anymore) to "in a relationship."  It doesn't bother me a bit!  I really hope she finds what she is looking for.  There is someone for everyone, but we were just not for each other.

I really didn't want to do two blog postings today, but like I said, this encounter was didn't mean a thing to me and I know I'll forget about it.

TM on 1/29/11

I have a very bad memory.  In 15 years, I will have totally forgotten about the Tough Mudder '11.  Here are a few photos and descriptions to help jog my memory in the future years.  The first photo is one of the first of 19 obstacles you had to tackle in this 10 mile challenge.  It was about a 15'x15'x4' deep hole full of ice water.  The outside temp that morning was in the 50's and during the previous nights, it had been dipping down in the upper 30's.  Even without the 18 wheeler truck load of ice dumped into this obstacle, the water alone would have been plenty cold.

This picture was taken about mile 8.  I'm in the red to the left.  At this point, I feel defeated and tired, but have to push forward.  I'm glad I ran this with a team, they kept me motivated the entire challenge.

This is me jumping off the 15' high obstacle called "Walk the Plank."  This was the second real obstacle that you came to along the course.  When I hit the water, it's the first time I can say I felt like I was in shock.  It was a mental challenge to make my limbs start moving when in the water.  If that wasn't enough, when you hit the water, you still had to swim about 100' to get out of the water!



This was the tight rope obstacle.  I gave several people many laughs on this one.  The girl in the picture was taking it an inch at a time.  I got up to her and she said to go around her if I could... well.... I did, but it wasn't pretty!  She probably could have had me arrested for assault if she wanted it!  She was a really good sport, she was laughing the whole time.

We finished!  They say only about 75-78% of the people who start this challenge finish it.  If you do finish, they give you a headband, t-shirt and a beer.



When I finished, I was really glad I did this challenge.  It is the most I have ever pushed my body.  I really, REALLY hate cold water and cold temperatures.  I'm glad I faced something I hate, head on.  I don't think I realized it at the time, but I think I was the "old guy" on the team.  I am 31, but feel in better shape than I did when I was 21.  I think Tom Petty said in a song, "You never slow down, you never grow old."  While I don't care to be this cold again any time soon, I wouldn't mind trying it again in my 40's.  I hope this blog is still around in 10 years to remind myself of that!

On a parting thought for today, I want to remind myself of the hard work and a few lifestyle changes I had to make to be able to complete a challenge such at the Tough Mudder.  For the past 4-5 months, I have hit the gym at least 2 times a week, but more like 4 times a week.  Here is a picture of how I have changed in the past several months...



Tough Mudder

I just finished my Tough Mudder run today.  It was 10 very challenging miles.  This had to be the most I have ever challenged my body.  There were probably about 6 water obstacles there were COLD!  During the coldest one, they filled a 10x10x4' deep water hole full of ice cubes too.  It was like jumping into a pile of needles.  I'm too tired to write much more about it.  I'll try to post some pictures of the event tomorrow.  It's time for a hot bath and a good night's sleep!  4:30am comes early for work tomorrow!

Dillard the Dog

I was off my regular job today, but had to do a little work on one of the rent homes.  The home was built in 1961 and over time, the floor in the master bedroom started rotting out.  I worked from about 9a till 4p and got it replaced, except for the floor covering.  When I had the flor ripped out, I called a termite guy to make sure the rotting wasn't due to termites.  Luckily, it was just rot.  Here is a picture of the floor I started ripping out.  Wish I would have taken an after picture now...

Throughout most of the day, while working on the floor, I kept thinking about my parent's neighbor's dog.  He's some type of boxer mix, and quite frankly, just an all around odd dog.  To me, what is so funny and odd about him is is name, Dillard.  He even looks like a Dillard.  The parents neighbors rescued him from a home that abused him.  I guess that's why he acts a little odd.  He loves to turn in circles real quick, like he's chasing his tail.  He can't seem to walk in a straight line...kind of twists like a snake.  Anyway, how could I think about this dog for about seven hours thoughout the day, and now keep thinking about him?  What makes him stick in my mind like that?  The best I can come up with is that his name makes him so interesting.  Dillard.  Who comes up with a name like that for a dog?  If you were to meet this dog in real life, you would know he even acts like a Dillard, whatever that means.  Enough about him...

I have to work my regular job tomorrow.  I'm going to try to go in an hour early, so I can get off an hour early, so I can get a jump on heading out of town.  I am running in a race Saturday called the Tough Mudder.  It's in Bastrop, and me and the girlfriend are staying the night Friday night.  The TM is a 10 mile race, though mud and obstacles.  It sounds fun and I'm excited about it, but I am worried about the temerature of the water obstacles.  I have to admit, I'm a pussy when it comes to cold weather or swimming in cold water.

On the way out tomorrow, I think I'm going to stop by and check out a hardtop Suzuki Samurai.  It's a little 4x4 suv, that kind of looks like a jeep.  The guy is only asking $750 for it, mainly because he can't produce a title.  That really doesn't bother me, because it's an older vehicle and there are plently of older 4x4 toys without titles.  I plan on using it as an offroad toy.  If it's decent, I'll probably sell my four wheeler.  As I write out these blogs, you'll find I don't keep toys long.  Just within the past year, I had quite a few vehicles.  I had a Cadillac CTS, a Porsche Boxster, a Jeep Wrangler, a Range Rover and now a Hummer H2.  And that's just the vehicles...I'll talk about the real toys at a later date.  I never really spend money on my vehicles, but rather trade around.  blah blah blah

Here's a picture of Dillard.

1/26/2011

I'm really not sure where to start.  I have always thought about creating a blog to let my thoughts out.  Personally, when I have a thought, it is just that.  I think about something, and quickly forget it.  Perhaps writing what I'm thinking about will help my thoughts and help me grow as a person.  This blog isn't for the plublic, but for me.  I don't consider myself that great of a writter, so I'm hoping to improve my gramattical skills as well.  Thoughts race though my head all the time.  Sometimes multible thoughts come though at the same time and lock my mind up temporarily.  Anyway, here I go...

Just a little background to refresh myself on where I have been.  I was married for 5 years and with the same person for about 7 1/2 or so.  That has ended recently.  As far as the marriage was concerned, it should have ended a long time ago.  That person was great to live with and hang out with, but it never felt like a marriage.  When we first decided to get a divorce, I was in a little bit of shock.  Everyone has their own way of dealing with situations like that.  I'll go into more detail about that when I'm ready.  After we decided to get divorced, my mind was constantly racing with thoughts.  I found that running and working out were the only things that would allow my mind to quit thinking so much.  I wasn't too "out of shape," but after 3 months of this new fitness regiment, I went from 197 pounds with a small gut to 180 pounds with a flat stomach starting to peek though.  I feel great!  That's enough for the background for today.

Today, I woke up around 9:30am.  I worked last night and would have liked to slept longer, but I had a follow up doctors appointment.  Speaking to the doctor was good news.  I had been sick for about 2 1/2 weeks previously, and had been sick for about 1 1/2 weeks each of the two months before that.  After checking the results from my blood work, it looked like I had a nasty virus.  He said to also looks like I might have allergies and might want to start taking Clariton OTC during the winter months.  He also said my blood work painted a picture of perfect health.  That's good to hear considering I eat so bad.  I've cut out a LOT of fast food, but still like frying nearly everything I eat.

After the doctors appointment, I went to the gym.  I started like I always do, by running a mile, or doing some other type of cardio to get the blood moving.  After that I tried a new routine that I read about last night.  It's called a 10x10x10.  Basically, you select an amount of weight that you routinely workout with, then cut that by 50%.  Now, you do 10 sets of 10 reps in 10 minutes.  That means you throw up your weight for 10 times in the first minute, rest until the second minute starts, then throw that up 10 times, rest until the 3rd minute, ect.  WOW!  That was a new feeling!  The first exercise I did was the decline bnech press.  I used 135lbs for my workout weight.  It felt good for the first 5 sets, but found it difficult after that.  I think I did 10 reps for the 6 sets, then had to back down to 6 or 8 reps for the remaining sets.  I also did this routine for standing barbell curls, tricep push downs and butterflys.  I finished up my workout today with 15 minutes in the sauna.  I really love to lay down in the sauna and sweat it all out!

As I'm letting my thoughts out, I'm watching my new girlfriend sleep on the couch.  She's a RN that deliveres babies.  She works nights, so I can understand her sleeping, and she can understand why I sleep during the day when I work nights.  She's really an amazing girl.  After about 2 1/2 months of dating, there is almost nothing that I don't like about her!  I say almost because everyone has their quirks.  I haven't told her I love her yet, but I can see that coming soon!  She's making me grow as a person and she doesn't even know that she is doing it.  I love her personality!

Right now, I'm probably the happiest I've been in a long time.  I'm working on seeing life differently.  I've never really considered myself a "happy" person.  I've seen happy people before and they've always looked strage to me.  Maybe they are the ones that have it figured out???  I first attemped to be happy by just faking it.  I have to say, it worked.  As I was "faking" my being happy, I started noticing the way people responded to my smile, my energy and my willingness to help.  It was a real positive feeling I experianced  (by the way, I never know how to spell that word... experianced or experience).  As I was faking my happiness, it eventually grew into real happiness.  I no longer have to put on a fake smile anymore.. it's just there!  Another thing that helps me is not trying to live up to others expectations or thoughts of me, but live my life for myself.

I guess that's enough for my first blog.  My grilfriend and I are going to eat with my parents tonight to show them pictures from our Jamaica trip.  I'm pretty excited about going to see them.  I don't spend nearly enough time with my family...got to work on changing that.