I turned 32 yesterday. I had a pretty good time for my bday, surrounded by great friends and family. I really only had one wish for my birthday, and I knew it was an impossible for my wish to come true, but that's what I used my wish for. I only wanted to close my eyes, open them, and I would be celebrating my 31st again.
I still would hope one day that my mind would stop going back to one place every time I get by myself. I can usually control my thoughts and feelings, but I cannot keep it from going back to a particular day. It hurts so bad. I guess that's why I have not wrote a post in awhile. Everything is just about the same as it was. There are certain people I wanted near me to help me (and them) possibly get through this easier. But that never happened. This is probably the 2nd most thing that goes through my head that I cannot control. I cannot picture why someone would distance themselves from someone who is in so much pain. Enough of that...
Jan 31st and midnight will decide if I still have to go to work. I work a union backed job and our 3 year contract is up at that time. There is a possibility that we could go on strike. If we don't go on strike, I'm going to start getting dirt brought in to my lot so I can start building a house later in the year. A friend made a comment that made me laugh a few days ago, "Shaun, you own several houses and don't live in any of them!" I really miss my last house. At one point, I really thought I could be strong enough to go back there to stay. In my head I had a plan to fix up the guest bedroom, change out a few things and tough it out. Oh well.
Anyway, yesterday I started the morning off in Houston to do a little running at memorial park. Even though it was my bday, I think about my run, other than I would do my normal training. I was supposed to do a 40 min temp run. However, my gps told me I ran my first mile in 7:58. I never start off that fast, but it felt normal, so then I thought what I could do mile two in... it was 7:30. At that point, I wanted to just do a 5k run and see what I could do for mile 3! The gps came over my earbuds and said 6:58. It has been a long time since I ran a mile below 7 minutes, let alone after already running 2 miles before that! I was pretty excited about this! So on the drive home, I thought about other little physical things I have never been able to do. One thing stuck out the most...bench 225 pounds. Seems like an odd number to people who don't work out, but that means putting two 45 pounds plates on each side of a bar that also weighs 45 pounds. I just always thought about how cool it would be to do that. Well, I talked myself up enough to stop by the gym in beaumont to try it out. I started out warming up with a plate on each side. then added 25's to each side, that was still easy. Then I pulled the 25's off and then added 35's. That even wasn't bad. So then I pulled the 35's off and added the second plate to each side. I also grabbed a spotter for it because I wasn't sure if I could actually do it. Well, it wasn't that easy for me, but I did it. I was really proud of myself for that. I have super long arms and it takes a lot for me to raise the weight up that far! At that moment, I realized maybe 32 isn't the year you get "old." I always pictured a birthday that you just become "old" and can't do much anymore.
Ok, I'm done for today. So really, not much has changed, wishing it would.
