Turning Point?

About two weeks ago, I started realizing I am truly happy again.  As I said that to myself a few weeks ago, I immediately started questioning it!  What all of the sudden, almost like a light switch, can make you realize you are happy?  Then I started thinking, "well, I guess it's a temporary happiness."  But as of today, two weeks after that initial feeling, I know it's here to stay.

After going through sometime like I went though, you always wonder what others think about how you are coping.  I always heard people deal with situations in different ways, and progress through hurt at different times.  I know I have cycled a great deal in dealing with my grief.  Some days I would be as happy as I ever had been, only to just have a whirlwind of emotions when I would try to sleep.

I still miss my friend more than anything, and there is never more than a few hours that go by that I don't think about her.

Last year, I started to streamline my life.  I switched to a different position at the real estate office, sold a few of my properties and started turning down more overtime at work.  It seems now, I've replaced the time I spent in those areas, with other things I thought would be fun, but just turn out to be a lot of work too.  I think it's time to really sit down again and do a "life check" to make sure I'm heading in the direction that I want to be.  I need to find the things that really make me happy, and find which things are just so-so and eliminate them.

Two things that I truly like are 1) Nature and 2) Accomplishments.  I love being outdoors and looking at scenery.  I remember the first time I flew into Colorado, left the airport in my rental car and immediately saw the mountains up the road!  Man that was beautiful!  It was almost like I was having an out of the body experience!!  The other thing I like doing is pushing myself for new accomplishments in things that I like!  I have friends that try to get me to go to Crossfit because of the competitive nature.  That sounds ok, but I don't like competing in the things they do.  I don't know, hard to explain this one...I need to work on this one in my mind too.

That's enough for today...it has been awhile since I last posted.  Tonight will be my 5th straight night to work, and my last one...ready to get it over with!  I'm heading to the Hike & Bike trail in Beaumont right now to get a little run in.

The home.

It has been a few months since my last post.  I've had so much building up in my head, so it's time to do another post!  I'm not sure where to begin.  There still isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about why I'm where I'm at....I still miss her a lot.  I still have her dog, Goose.  So much of her personality comes though in him!  I really like having him around and try to give him the best life a dog can have!

I've been working and saving so I can build a new house at my lot in Lumberton.  I've hit a small dead end for now.  I really need to sell my current house so I can use the equity towards a new one.  I still could keep my current house and rent it, but then I would have to finance a good chunk of the new one.  That would put me back living paycheck to paycheck and that is something I never want to do again.  The problem with selling my current home is the market.  There are so many homes similar to mine that have sat for months, or they have taken quite a bit lower than what it is worth.  So, my other option is taking a little money from savings and adding on a new master bedroom and master bath with a new garage on to my current home.  That would turn it into a 3/2/2 and the garage apartment instead of just a 2/1 with a 1/1/2 garage apartment.  Tough choices, but I'll get it figured out.  I think I would be fine staying in my current home as long as I had a new master bedroom...

I'm handling work a little better than I used to.  They are really piling the work on us lately, and not getting any extra help.  The work I do is a little dangerous, so extra help is scheduled.  You have to rush and hurry to get a lot of the work done, but then you run the risk of hurting yourself or others.  They want you to rush to get the work done, but then preach to you not to hurry.  Kind of a catch 22.  So now, I'm just taking my time, doing what I can do.

I guess the home situation is what is sitting on my mind the most right now... I really need to do something.

Anyway, I have started dating something that I really like spending time with.  We live a little way apart, so I think that has really helped my situation too.  I'm glad she has been patient with me and can understand where I'm coming from.

Well, it has been a long day.  I'm really looking forward to the weekend.  I bought a cheapie $50 pool and can't wait to fill it up and just relax and do nothing all weekend!  I need to get back in the habit to posting more to get all the thoughts out of my head.  As I write all this, I can tell my thoughts are already slowing down in my head...

Being Happy.

The biggest thing I'm struggling  with right now is allowing myself to be happy.  I can have such a good time, then later feel bad about having it...almost like I don't deserve to be happy.  That's a strange feeling for me.  I know I'll get better with it, because time and deep breaths can help just about anything.  Somehow, I actually got two night off work this weekend!  I really had the best time I've had in a long time.  I'm not really looking forward to going back to work Monday night, but the turnaround is getting closer to being over, just about 3 more weeks!

Anyway, I only wanted to post a quick note to remind myself where I'm at right now.  Allergies are also getting the best of me tonight/today!

It's April!

Just about 3 more weeks or so until the turnaround is over!  I can't wait!  I really hate working overtime, but the money sure is nice.  I've been saving up so I can build a new home around September.  I hadn't done a post in awhile, so I thought I'd write something real quick before I fall asleep for the day.  Everything is going pretty well.  I started seeing someone.  She's a real special girl and accepts the situation I came from.  We're taking things real slow and that's nice.  I have an awesome time around her, but sometimes catch myself feeling guilty about having fun.  I guess that can be expected, but hope to overcome those feelings of guilt one day.  It's not fair to me, or whoever I'm seeing.

I'm used to running on about 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night, but still usually get two long naps in during the week.  With the turnaround going on, my sleep schedule has still not adjusted.  I think that may be while I'm feeling a little sick this morning.  Well, this was a pretty boring post, but I'm exhausted and sick...and need sleep!

Retirement

I’m just 32 and I think about retirement quite often.  More specifically, I think about early retirement.  I think I’ve developed a plan to retire at around age 42-45.  Recently, I started reading a book called Get a Life: You don’t need a Million to Retire Well by Ralph Warner.  I like the book because it includes real life studies based on people who have already retired, and what makes them happy during retirement.  Some of the things that I thought would keep me happy in retirement seem to be (as this book has it) things that keep people happy for short amount of time.  I definitely don’t want to be bored or unhappy when I retire, so I have things to think about.  I know I don’t care for my job that much, as it really doesn’t bring me any satisfaction…it’s just means to an end (and that brings me to another book I’ve read several times, but I’ll save that for another post).

After reading the Get a Life book and also reading The Four Hour Workweek by Tim Ferris, I’m starting to think about another option.  Stay at my current job until retirement age (55), collect full benefits and take a series of mini-vacations during the time I’m employed.  The trick would be avoiding any overtime the job throws at me, which would be a challenge.  It’s hard to turn down money sometimes. 

Ok, a little more about the mini-vacations.  I currently work about 14-15 days a month, not including overtime.  This breaks down to about 7 daytime shifts and 7 nighttime shifts.  Not all the days and nights are together, but it does allow me for 7 straight days off every month.  I can take 4 days of vacation prior to these 7 days off, and get a total of 14 days off.  I could do this roughly 3 times a year with my allotted vacation.  After the turnaround is over that I’m currently working on, I’m doing my first mini-vacation of the year and heading to Peru, Ecuador or Colombia…or a combination of 2 of the 3!  My friend that helped me run the marathon is going for her vacation and I’ll meet up with her while she’s down there.  I’m pretty excited about the trip!  I’ve never been to South America before except for a quick stop on a cruise ship.  This time it will be filled with seeing the unseen sights and staying in hostels!

There is one thing that I do know if life now…nothing is for certain.  So, all my plans, ideas and dreams could change at any time.  That’s something that I never thought I would factor into my planning, but it wouldn’t make sense not too.

Sunny Skies

Things are finally starting to look better!  I completed my first marathon ever!  I wasn't happy with my time, but then again, I practically did zero training.  I'm guessing I should have ran more than 10 miles at a time for my training as 26.2 was killer!  My final time was 4 hours and 48 minutes.

Other areas of my life are looking up too, but I sure wish the turnaround I am currently on was over.  I hate wishing life away, but I would do anything for it to be May.

Cutting this one short, time for an hour and 1/2 nap before work.

Tacos!

Today is the launch of the Doritos Los Tacos from Taco Bell!  I have seriously been waiting for this day for quite a while now.  It's a regular taco, but on a shell made entirely of Doritos!

It's really nice feeling like my old self again.  I still look at old pictures and they just make me smile now.  I never though I would have such a comforting feeling looking at them.  I really don't know how to explain that.  I guess that is one thing that has reassured me that there is a greater power and there is an afterlife...because there is now way I could be comforted if there were not.

In just a few days I will attempt my first marathon.  I'm pretty sure I will complete it, but it's going to be miserable!  I still don't have any idea why I signed up for it.  I really hate running, but think it really helps me physically and mentally....probably more mentally.

I also noticed I use the words "seriously, honestly, really and just" too much.  I need to find more words to substitute!  "Just" is a word I drop in when I probably shouldn't, grammatically speaking.

Ok, it's 6:50am and now bedtime.